35andtrying

ZZzzzzzz…

35andtrying — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 04:18:22 +0000

I went on a bad date. No, ~~cross that out~~, it was a reeeaaaallly boring date, which translates to, BAD DATE. The funniest part? Was that I actually felt bad for him at the end of it, because I automatically assumed that me nodding off during dinner would translate into him having a bad date. Nope, ladies, I found THAT man. You know who I’m talking about, the guy that is SO self involved that really if you left and had the waitress replace you with an inflatable doll or, oh, I don’t know… a ROCK, he wouldn’t notice. I sat for 2 hours listening to this guy ramble on about the most mundane things which turns out, were entirely about him, for the entire dinner. Which by the way, was at a PUB. WHO takes a girl out on a first date to a PUB???!!! COME ON!

Now, I was raised to be a polite girl, but after hour one, I couldn’t help it, my mind wandered… I started listening in and paying more attention to other people’s conversations (WAY more interesting by the way) in an attempt to not fall asleep! This tactic unfortunately failed, because at one point I did the head nod and snap back. You know, the kind of thing that happens during an early morning physics class, or during a boring poetry reading, or perhaps while watching paint dry… no wait, those would be more engaging than this date. Thankfully, by the time I started looking for something sharp to drag across my wrist to end it all… the bill showed up. The waitress even knew how badly it went… she gave the bill to me.

…And Short Of It

35andtrying — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 06:10:55 +0000

For those of you that read my blog (thank you), it is no secret I am a woman of above average height. This fact limits me a bit in what men I feel comfortable dating, based sheerly on height restrictions alone. Shallow? Perhaps, but I have learned that typically substantial height differences create other… differences. Now I have a complete arsenal of ‘what I look for’ in an ideal partner and some of these are ‘must haves’ and others are more flexible, but height tends to be top of mind and attraction when dating. Well… life with its bizarre sense of humor has delivered me a fantastic man, in a noticeably smaller package. What to do? My decision, get over it. God knows there are plenty of examples of successful and hip Amazonian sized women paired with, er, shorter men. I felt emboldened by my finds…kind of. You know this topic is newsworthy when the Huffington Post covers it…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/14/famous-couples-with-talle_n_214948.html

Ok, ok, some of the couples look completely ridiculous, but in some pairings it works, and the why they are together? Well, some cases are more obvious than others. My new date? What he lacks in height, he makes up for in intelligence, style, taste, sense of humor and sophistication. To get to the short of it, so far, he’s a keeper.

You Lost Me At ‘Hello’

35andtrying — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 21:14:24 +0000

During my time in the world of online dating, I have met some interesting characters (to say the very least) and with this experience I have learned that one should ever assume that they have seen everything. Proof of this for me, came in the body of an email from a certain type of man not too long ago. Now bear with me, because this story requires a bit of set up. So for those of you who have never used, or subscribed to an online dating site, it’s important to know that when one receives an email, wink, and/or ‘interest’ from an online suitor of sorts, an alert is sent to your personal email, privately. This alert typically includes a picture of said admirer, a short snippet of their bio and their online dating moniker. With human beings being visual creatures, typically the immediate response is either, “HEL-LO good-looking!”, proceeded by you reading his profile with bated breath, in hopes that he has graduated highschool (and it shows, hello complete sentences) and knows that Africa is a continent and NOT a country, OR you might also experience a roll your eyes moment, when you sigh dejectedly that yet another completely inappropriate man has attempted to try his luck, once again, in scoring a much younger and/or ill-suited woman to contact. Well, this time, I was contacted by a much different creature…

Firstly, I had to look several times to make sure I was seeing, well, what I thought I was seeing…. an elderly woman had sent me an email? Upon making sure I hadn’t inadvertently signed up for the wrong site, mistakenly stated a fondness for elderly women, or missed some bizarre dating site upgrade (down grade?), I got past the picture and in morbid fascination proceeded to read her email….

Hi

So you say your open minded. Ok just how open mined are you. Yes I’m a crossdresser and I love to go out shopping , moves or just out full dressed as a women. Can you handle a man like that. I have a few other secrets that I won’t tell you until our first or second date lol. Two thing though. 1) I’m two inches shorter then your “ideal man”! I’m only 5″ 10″ 2) I want kids and you don’t seem to want them. Or are you just not sure if you do. I want one or two kids…. Shall we talk more?

Wrong, on so many levels. My god, where to start. The part I find most amusing? That the subject line is ‘Hi’. Really? You lead in with ‘Hi’ and then slide right into, ‘I’m a cross dresser’? Then not improving matters, he follows up with, ‘I have a few other secrets’ too?!!! Now to be fair, he gets props from me for being so open about his passion for women’s fashion AND for bravely posting the pictures to back it up, but his delivery leaves a bit to be… desired? I love how he then thought it would be in his best interest to get the deal breakers right out-of-the-way, before I even get to say ‘Hi’ (who am I kidding?). Kids… height… do you mind cross dressers? Yikes.

I truly wish him the best of luck, he should maybe consider dialing back the in your face approach a bit, but I can maybe understand why. Unfortunately for him, I have decided against having children of my own, and I prefer a taller man, but most importantly… bitch, NO one touches my shoes.

Time Warp

35andtrying — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 19:27:58 +0000

God, where has the time gone?! I now know what people mean when they say things can change on a dime, from zero to sixty, life can pass you by, excetera, excetera. I have gone from not working and living the life of Riley, to now working three jobs! And to take the type A personality full circle, I continue to date in there somewhere. Where to start? Or finish for that matter. I have so much to share, the adventures I have had, the people I have met, the ridiculous, the romantic and the train wrecks…

Stay tuned as I will share it all with you, laugh, judge, ponder, do what you may, but if anything I hope you are entertained. 35andtrying continues… into her 37th year.

The Yaletown 500

35andtrying — Fri, 20 May 2011 00:42:53 +0000

My social study of Vancouver and its men continues, and it was just the other day I was told about the ever prevalent type of Vancouver male known as the Yaletown 500. Fascinated, of course I had to learn more! The most amusing part was I had already unwittingly stumbled upon one, or rather, he found me. It wasn’t until I shared my most recent ‘date’ experience with one of my girlfriends that I even knew there was a name for such a man. It would seem they run wild here, specifically downtown, they dress similarly, drive expensive unimaginative cars, wear designer jeans and have overly coiffed hair, oh, and throw money around like they just don’t care, but hope you do. Crazy, I’ve heard of trends, but this one is ridiculous. They have taken keepin’ up with the Jones’s to an entirely new level.

My Yaletown 500 man took me to a regular haunt in… you guessed it, Yaletown! He was greeted by the staff like he’s in there everyday or owns the joint (he doesn’t) and we were taken to his ‘special’ table (hmmm, suddenly I felt cheap) and after that, cliché’s abounded. WAY too much liquor was ordered (the most expensive kind of course), WAY too much food and WAY too much discussion about who he knew and how much money he has (I’m NOT kidding), went on for the duration of our… date? It was WAY too much. I just wanted to reach out to him, put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder and say, ‘It’s ok, calm down man, please just show me a wee bit of yourself.’ Show boating? SO not necessary and in the end, SUCH a turn off.

The icing on the evening’s cake was meeting one of his friends, who was also dining at the same restaurant (must be in the Yaletown 500 handbook), and at first glance upon approaching said friend’s table, I was sure he was just out for a nice night with his teenage daughter and her five friends. You know, celebrating a birthday or something. Uh yeah, this was SO not the case, this 47-year-old man was out with his 19-year-old GIRLFRIEND and her five remora like friends. I don’t need to tell who was footing the bill.

As it turns out, this behaviour (in that part of Vancouver) runs amok. Call me judgey wudgey, but I found it… sad. At some point in the evening, after many attempts on my part to get him to talk about his kids instead of his portfolio, he looked at me and said, with head cocked to one side as if confused, ‘You really are a nice girl, aren’t you?’ Like he had never met one before. Yaletown might be the playground for the fortune-ate, but emotionally? It’s bankrupt.

Change of Direction.

35andtrying — Wed, 18 May 2011 19:26:51 +0000

After my first attempt at dating in Vancouver went awry with me ending up dating someone south of the border for a short while, I am now back, and focussing on keeping it local. Being a writer and having a collectively small social circle here, meant throwing myself back on to the online dating wagon. I had been forewarned by both men and women alike that dating in Vancouver was… challenging. ’Survey says’ that both men and women seem to suffer from the ‘you can look, but don’t approach’ social dysfunction. Popular opinion is that Vanwomen are aloof, fickle and typically more often than not – gold diggers… OUCH. As for Vanmen, they have taken metro sexual way too far and entered girly man territory. That, and to add insult to their effeminate nature, they are more concerned about what they drive, who they know and what they pretend to have in their bank accounts. People! Time to play nice. It’s a wonder that ANYONE dates in this city.

Many of the profiles online I have encountered are deeply steeped in cynicism and some men have even resorted to business like tactics to secure a date. Consider this email I received…

Changing Direction

Perhaps I need to change my approach to online dating.

1) My name is ****
2) Based on your pictures I find you physically attractive
3) I did read your profile. I am not sure if we are a ‘perfect match’ but then again sometimes the differences make everything more interesting.
4) I would like to get to know you but I am not interested in chatting or texting
5) If you are interested I will forward my mobile number
6) I am not looking for casual encounters
7) I am a nice guy. Employed. Financially stable. Home owner. Good group of friends.
8. I am ideally looking for a monogamous relationship.
9) I am heading to Whistler for the long weekend.
10) I live in North Surrey
11) I work *** for a high-tech company Tuesday to Saturday.
12) I am deleting this account on May 28, 2011

Yowza, I wasn’t sure if he was making me part of his ‘to do’ list or what, but talk about taking the romance out of things. “Me man, you woman, let’s date.” Might work well for some gals, but not this one. Note to men – girls like to be wooed, most of us like charming, and funny, traits that will more often than not get you EVERYWHERE. However, upon reflection, if he had added his annual income, who those ‘good’ friends of his were, then he may have, based on popular opinion, found that his change of direction has him travelling towards successfully dating in Vancouver.

Pass the Bar

35andtrying — Thu, 05 May 2011 04:41:07 +0000

In life I think it is always important to have aspirations and goals. By our early 30’s, most of us have a clear idea about what it is we want in life, whether it be the dream job, or the white picket fence, and in turn we set about working to achieve that. A certain bar is set.

This includes ideals about the kind of relationship we would like to have with someone. But somehow, knowing what we want out of a relationship is no longer a given for many out in the dating world, or at least in North America (Come on! I didn’t want to paint the entire world with the same brush!)– a perspective I derive mostly from my own personal trials, sigh* Many men are madly dating, but seemingly with no game plan in play. They are just hoping to randomly stumble upon someone they may, or may not want to spend the rest of their life with, and even then are unsure of how much effort they are willing to put in. Huh? Well, that would explain the trail of relationship shrapnel they leave behind them! If you don’t know what you want, then how can you get it? That partnered with the ever enticing thought process of, ‘What if something better comes along?’ Really? Would you use that line of thinking in your job search? Let’s put the proverbial shoe on the other foot, shall we?

If you job hop like some people, (bed) relationship hop, do you think you would be taken seriously in your professional field? Answer- ABSOLUTELY NOT. Being unable to commit to a position, the employer would see you as a liability… expensive, time consuming and inevitably… too risky. Summation, you will end up unemployed. Well, the same goes for a relationship: if you don’t set a bar and commit to achieving the kind of relationship you really want and put in the work to get it, then never mind being unemployed, you’ll end up, very much, ALONE.

So my closing argument is this, all things in life that you really want, take effort, and a semblance of sticking it out , even through the tough stuff. Because personally and professionally, without committing to those standards, you will never pass the bar.

Quick Change

35andtrying — Sun, 01 May 2011 20:41:12 +0000

It’s amazing how quickly things can change, if anything about the last year has taught me something, it’s that. Blink and your whole world can alter. It has made me appreciate that you do indeed have to be present, enjoy your moments, or if the moment is a bad one, know that it will change. I can honestly say that I don’t have any real regrets in my life, there are times that I am nostalgic about, but no regrets. Life has been very clear in sending me the message that you had better enjoy what you have or where you are, be it a person, a place or a lifestyle, because most things in life can be fleeting. I am sure some of you are reading this and thinking ‘Gawd, how fatalistic’, but it is all in how you look at it. A moment is all it takes, and life can turn and take a new direction. I just have learned that you need to make sure to hang on and enjoy the ride.

The Proposal

35andtrying — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 22:43:49 +0000

Most girls dream of the day when they will be asked by that special someone, ‘Will you marry me?’ It’s a special day, one of life’s milestones, and one would assume, something that you are not asked very often. Oddly, this doesn’t seem to be the case… for me. Now, I will preface this little share session with, I don’t take these men seriously, but, will be tempted VERY soon to call them on their bluff. You got it, I get asked to get married, A LOT. In the past three months? At least three times, by perfect strangers, and by men I know and have dated, go figure. Lord have mercy on the poor sap who eventually asks me and means it, I’ll be prone to assuming it’s another case of the man who cried ‘marry me!’, and not take him seriously.

What’s the deal? What happened to, ‘you seem really nice, care to go for drinks?’ or a simple, ‘I miss you, come back’, but oh no, the modern day answer to that… MARRY ME! It’s sets a difficult precedent, where do you go from there? You tend to miss all of the fun stuff when jumping straight to marriage (THAT and taking time to find out he’s not coo coo). Maybe that’s it, with everything these days being fast this, and fast that, we now have to contend with, Fast Marriage. Let’s all just skip the dating part and jump right on into unholy matrimony! Brilliant! NOT.

With my dark sense of humor, I decided to freak my best friend out by telling her I was moving back to the city due to my impending and very sudden, upcoming nuptials. Her panicked response was golden (I’m evil, I know). Kidding aside, I’m surprised that the sacrament of matrimony is treated with such a laissez-faire attitude, that, and evidently I scream of being ‘the marrying type’. I’m not sure what unsettles me most.

May I suggest we go back to the good ole days, when proposals meant you wanted to share the rest of your life with a special someone, and not, ‘I’m really into you’, to a complete stranger. If the former is the case, then I propose your answer should most definitely be a resounding,’Yes!’

Do you believe in Unicorns?

35andtrying — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 21:14:56 +0000

He’s thoughtful, funny, ambitious, attractive, and makes a mean Carbonaro. Yup, he’s perfect. Does such a creature exist? They do, and although not plentiful, they roam wild in the rural lands and cityscapes around the globe. You need to pay close attention, appreciate them in the moment, or, oh… their gone. The modern-day unicorn, or rather man-icorn. Ladies, he’s out there, but you just have to not look for him and thank god, you don’t have to be a virgin for him to reveal himself to you (whew!).

I was having a great talk with a couple of femmes the other day about that ever elusive creature, and it was agreed that they do indeed exist, and even sometimes hide in wolf’s clothing (Bah, a unicorn in wolf’s clothing? Now there’s a nice modern-day role reversal). Case in point, one of the gals had recently attended a soiree where a particular man had set his sights on her and proceeded to ‘stalk’ her all night, making his attraction known. Behaviour that borders on creepy, right? Well, upon closer inspection this ‘wolf’ turned out to more closely resemble our coveted unicorn, rather than a ‘lupus eatus’. Was she surprised? Ah yeah, like little red riding hood, but instead of her becoming a midnight snack, she just may have found her prince charming. Bedtime story confused? Sorry, but when it comes to mythical creatures, the mixed metaphors are necessary. Just keeping the belief alive, because you never know when your unicorn might show up.