Confidently Shaken, and Stirred.

Confidence; freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities. I think this has to be one of the sexiest traits an individual can have, so why are so many lacking it when it comes to matters of the heart? Are the risks too high? I know plenty of people are talented at feigning confidence, usually under the guise of arrogance or indifference. Typically the intent is for self preservation, and boy do they have that right! They will preserve themselves right into being … by themselves. Alone.

I find the confident intoxicating, like a really good martini. They look good, are smooth and make you relaxed and even a bit more confident yourself. The premium kind of confidence is from those who know what they want and go for it. I recently met a man who had this premium brand of confidence. It turns out though, I was the ‘it’ he was going for.  He was so clearly confident and intent on picking me up, that he almost knocked me down. Charming and crazily direct (let’s hope not crazy) he made his feelings quite clear by walking across the street through traffic to grab me and lay, what turned out to be, a take my breath away kiss (I paused only briefly to look for a camera crew. Complete movie moment). Who does this? Evidently him. Needless to say he gained my full attention, and readily filled my romance tank.

This experience has left me with a freedom from doubt, certainly a belief in myself and a whole bunch in his abilities. I have completely been shaken and to be frank, a bit stirred as well… confidently speaking.

Are We ‘DATING’ Yet?

Have you ever been in the dating situation where you wonder…’Are we there yet?’ The translation being, what are we doing? Are we friends with benefits? Dating? Boyfriend/ Girlfriend?  You rarely find it a desireable place to be to have to ask your ‘whatever the hell they are’ companion to define what your relationship is. You know, because that’s SO sexy. If you have to ask, then my guess is there probably isn’t much of a relationship going on.

Amusingly enough I find myself in this predicament more often than not, so either:

A) I’m stellar at picking radically emotionally available men (NOT)

or

B) I myself send mixed messages.

Nah, it has to be A)…right?

In all fairness to my most recent…date? Boyfriend? Friend? Let’s stick with ‘whatever the hell he is’ (works for me). He contacts me every day (by email), continues to ask me out at least two to three times a week, can be affectionate (after a couple of drinks), and his idea of romance thus far is sending me very blase business-like emails to ask me out… Dear… I seem to have a space in my schedule this evening. Are you free for dinner? Regards… HELP ME. The most amusing part? I really enjoy his company, we genuinely have a good time when we are together. It sometimes takes a bit to get him going, but once I shake the business out of him he’s great.

The not so amusing part? Once the date is over, he resorts back to BUSINESS MAN (insert super hero sounding announcers voice). Each date now mildy resembles some freakish episode from ‘Groundhog Day.’ Forcing me to have the same date, over and over and OVER again. This of course leaves me wondering ‘Are we dating’ yet?

‘We’ Fit

Have you ever been ‘we’d'? This is when a man starts talking about the things the two of you will do in the future…when ‘WE’ go on holidays together…, when ‘WE’ will meet the parents… when ‘WE’ do this.., that and so on. Sounds great right? I would agree, but when you are being ‘we’d’ after the first date? It’s cause for concern.

Now don’t get me wrong, some assemblance of romanticism does still reside within me, BUT I firmly believe that there has to be a foundation first before you get ‘we’d’ all the way home. How can someone begin planning their future with you after only one dinner? You can’t just fit an individual into your life like you choose a character for a video game (Presto! The perfect girlfriend!) My suspicion is that they aren’t planning their future with YOU, but rather their IDEA of what you should be in their future. Cue red flag!

This virtual relationship plays out in their head and not in your reality, making the ‘we’ moment an unfair game play. So ladies remain an ‘I’ until the ‘we’ fits.

Stalk Options

Has anyone else found it a little creepy how the majority of online dating sites have provided the means to keep tabs on its subscribers… by other subscribers? It has become the equivalent to ‘big brother’ watching, except this ‘brother’ wants to get in your pants. At the very least it encourages stalking, paranoia and definitely an unhealthy prediliction for spending waaaaay too much time online.

Some sites even offer the option of being able to know whether or not someone has read the very well thought out (or not) charismatic (or not) email you have sent to woo the individual of your desire into communication with you ( has he read it now?… How about now?!… Now?!!). Then there is the ‘online now!’ alert, or my personal favorite ‘IM me now!’ that more or less screams harass me. Other sites offer a  play by play timeline of when a person was on the site last, ‘on within the last hour!’ OH darn it, I just missed him! (good grief)

Can you not search for the love of your life with a little privacy any more? Evidently, NOT. I think like a French woman, a little mystery needs to re-enter the dating game and seeing that everyone seems to be online dating these days, (especially in NY) some sites might consider dialing back the ‘stalk’ options before the allure of dating plummets and holds no true value at all.