ZZzzzzzz…

I went on a bad date. No, cross that out, it was a reeeaaaallly boring date, which translates to, BAD DATE. The funniest part? Was that I actually felt bad for him at the end of it, because I automatically assumed that me nodding off during dinner would translate into him having a bad date. Nope, ladies, I found THAT man.  You know who I’m talking about, the guy that is SO self involved that really if you left and had the waitress replace you with an inflatable doll or, oh, I don’t know… a ROCK, he wouldn’t notice. I sat for 2 hours listening to this guy ramble on about the most mundane things which turns out, were entirely about him, for the entire dinner. Which by the way, was at a PUB. WHO takes a girl out on a first date to a PUB???!!! COME ON!

Now, I was raised to be a polite girl, but after hour one, I couldn’t help it, my mind wandered… I started listening in and paying more attention to other people’s conversations (WAY more interesting by the way) in an attempt to not fall asleep! This tactic unfortunately failed, because at one point I did the head nod and snap back. You know, the kind of thing that happens during an early morning physics class, or during a boring poetry reading, or perhaps while watching paint dry… no wait, those would be more engaging than this date. Thankfully, by the time I started looking for something sharp to drag across my wrist to end it all… the bill showed up. The waitress even knew how badly it went… she gave the bill to me.

…And Short Of It

For those of you that read my blog (thank you), it is no secret I am a woman of above average height. This fact limits me a bit in what men I feel comfortable dating, based sheerly on height restrictions alone. Shallow? Perhaps, but I have learned that typically substantial height differences create other… differences. Now I have a complete arsenal of ‘what I look for’ in an ideal partner and some of these are ‘must haves’ and others are more flexible, but height tends to be top of mind and attraction when dating. Well… life with its bizarre sense of humor has delivered me a fantastic man, in a noticeably smaller package. What to do? My decision, get over it. God knows there are plenty of examples of successful and hip Amazonian sized women paired with, er, shorter men. I felt emboldened by my finds…kind of. You know this topic is newsworthy when the Huffington Post covers it…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/14/famous-couples-with-talle_n_214948.html

Ok, ok, some of the couples look completely ridiculous, but in some pairings it works, and the why they are together? Well, some cases are more obvious than others. My new date? What he lacks in height, he makes up for in intelligence, style, taste, sense of humor and sophistication. To get to the short of it, so far, he’s a keeper.

You Lost Me At ‘Hello’

During my time in the world of online dating, I have met some interesting characters (to say the very least) and with this experience I have learned that one should ever assume that they have seen everything. Proof of this for me, came in the body of an email from a certain type of man not too long ago. Now bear with me, because this story requires a bit of set up. So for those of you who have never used, or subscribed to an online dating site, it’s important to know that when one receives an email, wink, and/or ‘interest’ from an online suitor of sorts, an alert is sent to your personal email, privately. This alert typically includes a picture of said admirer, a short snippet of their bio and their online dating moniker. With human beings being visual creatures, typically the immediate response is either, “HEL-LO good-looking!”,  proceeded by you reading his profile with bated breath, in hopes that he has graduated highschool (and it shows, hello complete sentences) and knows that Africa is a continent and NOT a country, OR you might also experience a roll your eyes moment, when you sigh dejectedly that yet another completely inappropriate man has attempted to try his luck, once again, in scoring a much younger and/or ill-suited woman to contact. Well, this time, I was contacted by a much different creature…

Firstly, I had to look several times to make sure I was seeing, well, what I thought I was seeing…. an elderly woman had sent me an email? Upon making sure I hadn’t inadvertently signed up for the wrong site, mistakenly stated a fondness for elderly women, or missed some bizarre dating site upgrade (down grade?), I got past the picture and in morbid fascination proceeded to read her email….

Hi

So you say your open minded. Ok just how open mined are you. Yes I’m a crossdresser and I love to go out shopping , moves or just out full dressed as a women. Can you handle a man like that. I have a few other secrets that I won’t tell you until our first or second date lol. Two thing though. 1) I’m two inches shorter then your “ideal man”! I’m only 5″ 10″ 2) I want kids and you don’t seem to want them. Or are you just not sure if you do. I want one or two kids…. Shall we talk more?

Wrong, on so many levels. My god, where to start. The part I find most amusing? That the subject line is ‘Hi’. Really? You lead in with ‘Hi’ and then slide right into, ‘I’m a cross dresser’? Then not improving matters, he follows up with, ‘I have a few other secrets’ too?!!! Now to be fair, he gets props from me for being so open about his passion for women’s fashion AND for bravely posting the pictures to back it up, but his delivery leaves a bit to be… desired? I love how he then thought it would be in his best interest to get the deal breakers right out-of-the-way, before I even get to say ‘Hi’ (who am I kidding?). Kids… height… do you mind cross dressers? Yikes.

I truly wish him the best of luck, he should maybe consider dialing back the in your face approach a bit, but I can maybe understand why. Unfortunately for him, I have decided against having children of my own, and I prefer a taller man, but most importantly… bitch, NO one touches my shoes.